[Hong Wu]

http://thefederalist.com/2015/12/21/mis ... -feminist/

I had looked forward to a feminist motherhood: a toy chest stuffed with gender-neutral toys; picture books about girl pigs who played baseball and boy penguins who raised chicks. I imagined a community of feminists who took turns babysitting while the others worked on their paintings or books.

Now, in my empty house, I wandered around our living room and looked at my bookshelves, the rows of Cixous and Butler and de Beauvoir, and realized that feminism had nothing to say to me. Here, lined up left to right, was sexual assault, abortion, childbirth, body image: but nothing about miscarriage. …

The more I considered it, the more I became convinced that the silence around miscarriage was connected to feminism’s work around abortion. How could I grieve a thing that didn’t exist? If a fetus is not meaningfully alive, if it is just a collection of cells – the cornerstone claim of the pro-choice movement – what does it mean to miscarry one? Admitting my grief meant seeing myself as a bereft mother, and my fetus as a dead child – which meant adopting exactly the language that the anti-choice movement uses to claim abortion is murder.…

After my miscarriage, when I thought about my abortion, it was with almost-envy for my younger self. I hadn’t fully appreciated how feminism had allowed me to process and eventually come to terms with that event. I had a language through which to express my feelings; I had other women’s stories to help me anticipate the abortion procedure and to realize what would come after. But in the months that followed my miscarriage, I had none of these things, and my sense of betrayal – in that primal, religious sense – was keen. Having a miscarriage was maybe the first thing I had gone through not as a feminist. I felt not just invisible to the ideology I’d grown up with, I felt forsaken.

Feminism has a lot to say to women who are contemplating or may get an abortion. But what happens when a woman wants to have a child and has a miscarriage? The fetus was no longer classified in their minds as a mere "lump of cells" or other dehumanizing language. It had begun to development attachments to this world. When it is gone the pain is real. Having reduced and dehumanized the fetus as much as possible, is it possible for feminism to make a 180° turn and console victims of miscarriage?

[Conscript]

I don't see what the hell this has to do with feminism. The woman per liberal principles owns herself. If she does not want to support a fetus, she doesn't. If she does, she can choose to have one. She chose to have one, and a fundie would basically tell you god killed it. End of story.

There is no 180 degree turn if a feminist consoles a woman losing a pregnancy. You can still believe in the bodily autonomy of the woman. By consoling you're actually being consistent because you're still respecting her own choices.

I honestly laughed at the 'this is the first thing I've gone through not as a feminist'. What the fuck does that mean?

[Bulaba Khan Jones]

This sounds way too self-conscious for me to think this is sincere rather than something a "pro-lifer" wrote. Building on what Conscript says, the woman herself could've aborted the fetus before, if we want to use the beliefs of anti-choice people in the US, God did it.

I don't see what the hell this has to do with feminism.

[Drlee]

Me too. This is one of those silly pieces we see now and then.

The writer, whoever he is, has decided that all anti-abortion folks are "feminists". The fact is that the majority of people are anti-abortion, though most of them are pro-choice. I am really getting annoyed at what passes for right wing issues these days. So fucking distracting.

The fact is that the right has a real story to tell but it is coopted by religious fanatics, angst filled "pro-lifers" and homophobes. So let's not discuss traditional conservative issues. No need to talk about them. Why even mention balanced budgets, strong national defense, privacy rights, top-shelf education, trade, international relations, and all of the rest of the traditional conservative positions. As long as we have sufficient dumbass bubbas sobbing over guns, gays, feminists and fetuses we need not even mention anything that might constrain or annoy our corporate masters. Fucking morons.

[Truth To Power]

Feminism has a lot to say to women who are contemplating or may get an abortion. But what happens when a woman wants to have a child and has a miscarriage? The fetus was no longer classified in their minds as a mere "lump of cells" or other dehumanizing language.

How it was classified in her mind does not affect what it was. My childless aunt claimed -- implausibly, IMO -- that her poodle meant as much to her as a child.

It had begun to development attachments to this world.

No, the woman had begun developing attachments to it. People can develop attachments even to inanimate objects.

When it is gone the pain is real.

Yes, but it also depends on how advanced the fetus was. Medical science tells us as many as 1/3 of pregnancies end in miscarriage, most before the woman is even aware she is pregnant. Miscarriage of a potentially viable third-trimester fetus is a totally different event.

Having reduced and dehumanized the fetus as much as possible, is it possible for feminism to make a 180° turn and console victims of miscarriage?

Why not? They've suffered a loss. Just not the loss of a child.

[Hong Wu]

Me too. This is one of those silly pieces we see now and then.

The writer, whoever he is, has decided that all anti-abortion folks are "feminists". The fact is that the majority of people are anti-abortion, though most of them are pro-choice. I am really getting annoyed at what passes for right wing issues these days. So fucking distracting.

The fact is that the right has a real story to tell but it is coopted by religious fanatics, angst filled "pro-lifers" and homophobes. So let's not discuss traditional conservative issues. No need to talk about them. Why even mention balanced budgets, strong national defense, privacy rights, top-shelf education, trade, international relations, and all of the rest of the traditional conservative positions. As long as we have sufficient dumbass bubbas sobbing over guns, gays, feminists and fetuses we need not even mention anything that might constrain or annoy our corporate masters. Fucking morons.

These things are all a given at this point, with the exception of the budget, which does get discussed.

Why not? They've suffered a loss. Just not the loss of a child.

So as long as we don't call the loss a child, it works? But it had a known gender, a room set up, people were making plans for it and imagining it. It certainly was more than just a "thing". The point is that these ideations can't be valued and rejected at the same time, nor do they exist in a vacuum.

[Drlee]

These things are all a given at this point, with the exception of the budget, which does get discussed.

[Hong Wu]

Well, I missed privacy rights. I guess I can't take this very seriously when the first arguments that come up include assertions like it was written by a conservative pretending to be a feminist and other deflections.

[ThirdTerm]

The more I considered it, the more I became convinced that the silence around miscarriage was connected to feminism’s work around abortion. How could I grieve a thing that didn’t exist? If a fetus is not meaningfully alive, if it is just a collection of cells – the cornerstone claim of the pro-choice movement – what does it mean to miscarry one?

A miscarriage happens when the right amount of hormones and nutrients are not supplied to the baby. As a result, the fetus has not developed correctly and if such a baby is born prematurely, he or she may be severely disabled. So it's God's will when pregnancies are unexpectedly terminated and the risk of miscarriage is 12% to 15% for women in their 20s, which rises to about 25% for women at age 40.

[snapdragon]

Miscarriage, like abortion, is a very personal thing, which is why it isn't often talked about. My first and last embryos were both flushed down the loo. Nobody but my close family members knew anything about either of them.
The first time, like most women who have an early miscarriage, my main feeling was of disappointment because we were excited at the thought of becoming parents the following early spring. Still, it wasn't to be.

It annoys me when some people attempt to compare those feelings with the agony of grief felt at the loss of a born child. In fact, all pro lifers annoy me. They mostly don't give a shit about the lives of born people.

edit: It's nothing to do with feminism. This woman was not grieving for a baby, but for her lost future. like she admitted, how can you grieve for a person who didn't exist? These kind of morbid imaginings shouldn't be encouraged in my opinion.

[Pants-of-dog]

I keep thinking the title says Miscarrying White Feminist.

This article seems odd because it was originally printed in the Globe and Mail, a Canadian newspaper. And in Canada, the feminist argument for abortion rests on body integrity, not on defining the fetus as a mere clump of cells.

Also, I would not be surprised to find that non-white feminists do have a language and toolset for dealing with miscarriage, as many struggle for good access to women's health care.

[Drlee]

Also, I would not be surprised to find that non-white feminists do have a language and toolset for dealing with miscarriage, as many struggle for good access to women's health care.

You can drop the "non-white" from your hypothesis. At least as far as the US is concerned. The issue of good health care for both men and women in the US is universal. Minority women are not particularly worse off than any others without insurance. Or poor for that matter.

The feminist issue with health care in the US might revolve around the PPAC catch that a second lower/middle wage worker in a household may be unsupportable because of the increased cost of health care absent the subsidies.

[Pants-of-dog]

That is perhaps true in the USA.

I was referring to the situation for Canadian women, such as the author of this essay. Canada has a very strong public health care system that is accessible to most women, except indigenous women and recent immigrants.

[Hong Wu]

What I got from this story is that we want to control when and where meaning arises for ourselves and others. We do this through arguments. But do we really control it? The starting point for meaning, in terms of having a baby, is as soon as a woman realizes she has a baby. She can argue to herself that the baby is meaningless if she wants to abort it, it may even make her feel better, but it's a double edged sword. The same arguments leave a woman vulnerable if she wants to have a child and later miscarries it. The time she spent dehumanizing one child leaves her unable to voice her pain regarding the loss of another. Reality may not comport with our arguments, no matter how strong we might pretend them to be.

[Truth To Power]

Why not? They've suffered a loss. Just not the loss of a child.

[So as long as we don't call the loss a child, it works?

No, so long as it in fact ISN'T a child.

But it had a known gender, a room set up, people were making plans for it and imagining it.

Bingo. Imagining.

It certainly was more than just a "thing". The point is that these ideations can't be valued and rejected at the same time, nor do they exist in a vacuum.

Blather.