By sticking a "hybrid" sticker on it and bribing the guy at my department of transportation office, I can get a $7,500 rebate for a "flex-fuel or hybrid" vehicle.
If it works and I get the rebate, I'm going to use a thousand dollars of the money to have the emissions control equipment removed. My black-market mechanic tells me I can increase the fuel economy from 2 all the way to 3 or 4 miles per gallon if I remove the emissions control equipment.
I plan on keeping a few bicycles tied to the back of the SUV but never using them. I need to stay in air conditioning all summer, so I'll be doing a lot of aimless driving just to stay cool. I also intend on leaving the air conditioning on full-blast even when I'm not inside the vehicle so that a cold vehicle is waiting for me when I get back from, say, a two week vacation in Croatia.
Sure, people have criticized me for this guilty pleasure, but after all, I'm just one person. One person isn't going to make a difference as to whether we all go extinct and the planet explodes. I'm insignificant.
If you want to go after someone, go after China. China uses a thousand times more fuel than I do, and no one tries to change China.
I'm just a poor slob in a Winnebago.
- Jim Garrison, 1969