Satire for January 2013 - Politics Forum.org | PoFo

Wandering the information superhighway, he came upon the last refuge of civilization, PoFo, the only forum on the internet ...

Political and non-political satire; all those terribly biased analogies live here.
#14146955
Last night I was walking in the park by the tram station and I saw a light flare up ahead. At first I thought it was some nut starting a campfire, but then I realized it was a tall, distinguished looking burning bush.

I jumped with joy and started shaking, a clear reaction to this incredible sight, because I knew something Wally wonderful was about to happen.

Effectively, as I stood there bathed in the magic glow, Burning Bush spoke. We went on to have a fairly long and detailed conversation, but the gist of it is that this particular Bush was God, who gave me a revelation and some instructions to pass on to you all. Burning Bush also said to tell you he wasn't joking, and that you either do what I say or you all die in a Big Flood.

Now I'll reveal to you some of our conversation:

Bush-
Social, I got some changes I need to make, and you are chosen to be my messenger


Me
ok God, I'm ready to take over, I always liked the idea of being in charge


Bush
Social, you don't get to bee in charge. You are no Moses material, son. But you do get to sacrifice a couple of people and build me a temple.


Me
ok, but do I build the temple first or sacrifice those guys first, and how do you want me to do it?


Bush:
you can sacrifice the two guys first, do the North Korean Kim, and Fidel Castro. I want it done Maya style. Build the temple in the Falkland Islands, something big like the Nest Egg would be nice.


Me
god, if I may make a suggestion,Fidel Castro is brain dead, he won't even notice it...why don't we do Daniel Ortega? He's a chid molester and its going to make you hugely popular to off him. Also, what do we do if the Brits refuse to give up the Falklands?


Bush
daniel Ortega is an excellent choice, make sure you save the head for later, and don't worry about the British, tell them if they don't do what I want they won't win the World Cup


Me
got it, do te North Korean and Daniel Ortega maya style, save Ortega's head for later, and threaten the British. But they won't like it, and besides they never win the World Cup anymore


Bush
Social, the British always think they'll win the Cup next time. And besides most of them don't even know where the Falklands are. As long as you don't tell them what we want them for, they'll leave. Once you get them, you build me that Nest Egg and then we can move my people there


Me
ok god, you have spoken, but how do I get the temple built? That's going to take a lot of money


Bush
Thats up to you, get them to donate, sell bonds, if you have to, form an army, invade a couple of countries and pillage, I'll be right behind you ready to stop the sun and blow my horn as needed


And with these closing words, the Bush vanished. So now I'm here spreading the word. I take Visa, American Express, Discover, and gold.
Last edited by Social_Critic on 13 Jan 2013 10:15, edited 1 time in total.
#14147205
I'm immune to Christian law, because I've been promoted to Prophet. And if you had paid attention, you would see I'm connected to The original god. I represent the interests on Earth of the original Hebrew God, who of course is free to change his mind and pick out who has to be sacrificed, where the Chosen Land lies, and who are the Chosen People.

It should be evident to you by now that you got three choices to do good now that religious belief is under new management (me). You can donate, buy bonds, or join the army when I'm ready to go invade a country. Otherwise, you can join the sacrifice line, and remember we can do Maya as well as other styles, including but not limited to Stalinist Gulag, Bataan Death March, and Dresden BBQ.

On the positive side, if you follow instructions and become a true believer, you will be one of the Chosen of God, and you get to live in the Promised Land, formerly known as Falklands or Malvinas Islands. They are a bit windy but there you can enjoy absolute piece and quiet. Security will be tight and you get to witness our weekly sacrifices, starring famous political figures from all over the world. It's going to be a gas.
#14147810
Sithsaber wrote:Seriously you're gonna smell like barbecue when the grand inquisitor gets done wih you :*(

Don't think so. Miguel de Torquemada is already burning in hell. If it exists.
#14147819
You must pray for divine guidance on this issue. I am sure god will answer if you are faithful and believe. If you don't hear back from god it's because you lack faith. To increase it you have to do good works, donations to my fund to build the temple in the New Promised Land are a good way to show you really believe. And in some countries they are fully deductible.

I have just drafted the ultimatum for the Brits to give up the Falklands, including the World Cup menace. It's being reviewed by my legal team and it should be in the British Queen's hands in a week or so (I only address myself to heads of state who rule by the grace of god).

I also want to warn you to stop mentioning the inquisition and threaten me, because I am, by divine order, protected from human intervention in my affairs as Prophet of the god.

Finally, as an added incentive and because you are my friends, I'd like to offer you the opportunity to be my assistants. You would have to pass the word and also help me pick up Kim Yong Un. I've been looking into this matter and its going to take a lot of work to kidnap fat boy in North Korea and ship him to the Promised Land to sacrifice him Maya style. He has a lot of security and I like to avoid asking god for miracles, he has a bad temper and whenever I connect with his consciousness I detect a lot of bad vibes towards humanity. God definitely isn't human. This isn't a joke, your souls are in play.
User avatar
By Locke II
#14147985
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for lunch
Benjamin Franklin
#14148257
"Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote."

Widely attributed to Benjamin Franklin on the internet, sometimes without the second sentence, it is not found in any of his known writings, and the word "lunch" is not known to have appeared anywhere in english literature until the 1820s, decades after his death. The phrasing itself has a very modern tone and the second sentence especially might not even be as old as the internet. Some of these observations are made in response to a query at Google Answers.

In 1992, Marvin Simkin wrote in Los Angeles Times,
"Democracy is not freedom. Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to eat for lunch. Freedom comes from the recognition of certain rights which may not be taken, not even by a 99% vote."

A far rarer but somewhat more credible variation also occurs: "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for dinner." Web searches on these lines uncovers the earliest definite citations for such a statement credit libertarian author James Bovard with a similar one in the Sacramento Bee (1994):

"Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."

This statement also definitely occurs in the "Conclusion" (p. 333) of his book Lost Rights: The Destruction of American Liberty (1994) ISBN 0312123337

Variants of this statement include that by Larry Flynt, as quoted in "Flynt's revenge" by Carol Lloyd in Salon (23 February 1999):

"Majority rule will only work if you're considering individual rights. You can't have five wolves and one sheep vote on what they want to have for supper."

Link.
User avatar
By Locke II
#14148774
Fine
Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for food. Liberty is the executive lamb vetoing all of the proposals by the wolf congress
-Me, Co-authored by somebody
#14148835
Not MY soul.
I plan on keeping my soul.
And when I die, and my soul joins the great universal consciousness, I will appear to some lame-brain here...hopefully his name will be Mosses just for appearances...and I will decree...

FREE SEX AND BIRTH CONTROL FOR ALL!

And then I'll sit back and enjoy the orgy.

Just do what you want to do, and stop tying yourse[…]

Too Many White People

I do not see what the problem is. Or more correct[…]

It's worse than you think

Industrial civilisation has its merits. Advanced m[…]

Propaganda works

I have eyes and ears just like you, but I see the[…]