- 17 Sep 2007 17:55
#1328011
Hi,
It came to me the other morning that each party in the political system can be compared to a car in some respect.
Firstly the C Reg Ford Escort with the new spoilers and neon lights driven by a fool and with no real purpose any more and has taken to fraternizing with the enemy whilst twiddling his thumbs. The spoiler is now a good ten years old and most of the lights are broken whilst the upholstery leaves a great deal to be desired. The pit team have been battered around and come through a great rebellion against a former driver, who had left his car to rot whilst he wandered around being impressed by other countries in the wide world but all the time being kept on a tight lead by GWB of the US. Now it has been decided that a larger gentleman should take over this English made car when he is in fact Scottish! Talk about the Lothian Question! With a shiny new set of wheels and a lick of dark red paint this party is once again aiming for a the top spot of British politics. With the rest of the competition lined up on the line there success seems sadly inevitable. Four more years of Labour/New labour/Middle Ground Party.
Now for the sleek new green friendly hybrid car. This team have gone from one extreme to the other in the past 10 years. They have removed ancient engines from their machine to improve their chances of winning but have replaced it over and over again for different models. We had the slightly bemused engine who has recently found itself turned into a shadow wheel, the most boring engine which has disappeared and won't be seen again accept maybe as a can or something slightly useful. Then we had an engine with something of the night about it most probably in reference to the voyeuristic approach it took to politics by sitting on the outside looking in. Now they have come to the new engine which is very friendly to the environment and hardly makes a sound but when it does, heaven help anyone in the vicinity of hearing it! Usually we end up with a hilarious future sound bite which will be banded about like Tebbit's bloody bike!. The car starts of well with an appealing speed but it slowly begins to do some very strange things. Its paint job keeps changing from blue to red then yellow and mainly green with splashes of undistinguishable colour. The driver has something reptilian about him (which i better than something of the night about him) and the cars balance keep making it flip-flop. So let's all grab a hoodie, ban sex toys (due to them damaging the environment) and ignore our miner mashing, milk snatching, non turning iron lady past and become a post op transsexual of a party which is even more confused after the operation! Mr Cameron and your Conservative's i salute you!
The third team are sadly not allowed to enter the race with a car equal to the other two parties due to being banned after it was discovered the previous driver was driving whilst drunk. They have now, instead got to drive around on the track with an elder mobility scooter which is befitting for the new driver as he is of a mature persuasion. Keep an eye out however because they have some serious ambitions concerning becoming the second party, not the third! Charge those batteries and get a hot cup of horlicks and prepare for a less than amazing attempt by a defunct party. Ah yes the glory of the Liberal Democrats.
Time to head up north! Not to the Labour Heartlands, oh no but to Bonnie Scotland! We have Mr Sammond driving a divine little car. A pristine Mini Cooper with a Scottish flag painted so patriotically on the roof with the Stone of Scone in the back. The car is powered by a wing, a prayer and North Sea gas reserves. With a poor majority supporting this car from the pit and a somewhat disenchanted fan base the chance of much happening are slim.
Now to fly off to the Emerald Isle! We have an extremely strange car about to take off. One half is painted green, white and gold whilst the other is red, white and blue. A red hand adorns one door whilst the face of Bobby Sands stares out from the other. One half of the car is made up of recycled Armalites and ballot boxes whilst the other consists of the accumulated spit of Ian Paisley and multiple copies of the History of the Battle of the Boyne. A red hand on the steering wheel and an angry looking man in the driving seat with a passenger with a slightly odd past sitting next to him. Thrust into the lime light, whilst the man sleeping in the back seats waits to get his voice back. An odd couple indeed they be! Sinn Fein and the DUP.
I write this as a requiem to a country who was once so strong in the politics of the world. Now we have been crushed by Europe and the USA. The time of the empire is over but why must be lay down and fall like our imperial dreams?
Thanks
M
It came to me the other morning that each party in the political system can be compared to a car in some respect.
Firstly the C Reg Ford Escort with the new spoilers and neon lights driven by a fool and with no real purpose any more and has taken to fraternizing with the enemy whilst twiddling his thumbs. The spoiler is now a good ten years old and most of the lights are broken whilst the upholstery leaves a great deal to be desired. The pit team have been battered around and come through a great rebellion against a former driver, who had left his car to rot whilst he wandered around being impressed by other countries in the wide world but all the time being kept on a tight lead by GWB of the US. Now it has been decided that a larger gentleman should take over this English made car when he is in fact Scottish! Talk about the Lothian Question! With a shiny new set of wheels and a lick of dark red paint this party is once again aiming for a the top spot of British politics. With the rest of the competition lined up on the line there success seems sadly inevitable. Four more years of Labour/New labour/Middle Ground Party.
Now for the sleek new green friendly hybrid car. This team have gone from one extreme to the other in the past 10 years. They have removed ancient engines from their machine to improve their chances of winning but have replaced it over and over again for different models. We had the slightly bemused engine who has recently found itself turned into a shadow wheel, the most boring engine which has disappeared and won't be seen again accept maybe as a can or something slightly useful. Then we had an engine with something of the night about it most probably in reference to the voyeuristic approach it took to politics by sitting on the outside looking in. Now they have come to the new engine which is very friendly to the environment and hardly makes a sound but when it does, heaven help anyone in the vicinity of hearing it! Usually we end up with a hilarious future sound bite which will be banded about like Tebbit's bloody bike!. The car starts of well with an appealing speed but it slowly begins to do some very strange things. Its paint job keeps changing from blue to red then yellow and mainly green with splashes of undistinguishable colour. The driver has something reptilian about him (which i better than something of the night about him) and the cars balance keep making it flip-flop. So let's all grab a hoodie, ban sex toys (due to them damaging the environment) and ignore our miner mashing, milk snatching, non turning iron lady past and become a post op transsexual of a party which is even more confused after the operation! Mr Cameron and your Conservative's i salute you!
The third team are sadly not allowed to enter the race with a car equal to the other two parties due to being banned after it was discovered the previous driver was driving whilst drunk. They have now, instead got to drive around on the track with an elder mobility scooter which is befitting for the new driver as he is of a mature persuasion. Keep an eye out however because they have some serious ambitions concerning becoming the second party, not the third! Charge those batteries and get a hot cup of horlicks and prepare for a less than amazing attempt by a defunct party. Ah yes the glory of the Liberal Democrats.
Time to head up north! Not to the Labour Heartlands, oh no but to Bonnie Scotland! We have Mr Sammond driving a divine little car. A pristine Mini Cooper with a Scottish flag painted so patriotically on the roof with the Stone of Scone in the back. The car is powered by a wing, a prayer and North Sea gas reserves. With a poor majority supporting this car from the pit and a somewhat disenchanted fan base the chance of much happening are slim.
Now to fly off to the Emerald Isle! We have an extremely strange car about to take off. One half is painted green, white and gold whilst the other is red, white and blue. A red hand adorns one door whilst the face of Bobby Sands stares out from the other. One half of the car is made up of recycled Armalites and ballot boxes whilst the other consists of the accumulated spit of Ian Paisley and multiple copies of the History of the Battle of the Boyne. A red hand on the steering wheel and an angry looking man in the driving seat with a passenger with a slightly odd past sitting next to him. Thrust into the lime light, whilst the man sleeping in the back seats waits to get his voice back. An odd couple indeed they be! Sinn Fein and the DUP.
I write this as a requiem to a country who was once so strong in the politics of the world. Now we have been crushed by Europe and the USA. The time of the empire is over but why must be lay down and fall like our imperial dreams?
Thanks
M
- By wat0n
- By Unthinking Majority
- By Potemkin