- 16 Jun 2008 22:10
#1561313
From The Specious Report, another sad consequence of higher gas prices...
Plummeting Truck and SUV Ownership Linked to Lower Testosterone Levels
Plano, TX | Randall "Buck" McNamara thought the nightmare of his trading in his Ford F-250 Super Duty XL, with a bitchin' 6.4L Power Stroke diesel V8 engine, due to rising gas prices, was bad enough.
"First the little lady made me trade in my tricked-out, gi-normous pick-up for a tiny Toyota Camry. That very same night, I... uhh... kinda had a little trouble with the old mojo, if you know what I mean."
A doctor's visit confirmed his suspicions.
"That doctor of mine explained it to me. My dang, whatchamacallit, 'ly-beed-o' don't work up to expectations... and I blame that tiny piece-a-crap car. I mean, dang, I drive a car now. A car? What self-repectin' heterosexual man drives a car - unless he's Dale Jr.?"
McNamara's plight is being replicated throughout a panicked heartland as millions of frustrated male truck and SUV owners replace their beloved behemoths for more frugal transportation.
Dr. Buford Sangretti, Associate Professor of American Sexual Demography at Ball State University, suggests a fundamental societal change is underway.
"Male virility is indeed dependent on the sheer dimension of one's chosen mode of transport. A tragic side effect of rising gas prices and the downsizing of vehicles will be, essentially, the emasculation of the American male."
The now luck-less and truck-less Buck McNamara, overcome with emotion, put it more bluntly, sobbing, "Without my F-250, I'm... I'm... no longer built 'Ford tough'!"
-- Woody Latham
"The curious task of economics is to demonstrate to men how little they really know about what they imagine they can design." -F.A. Hayek