[Presvias]

You can select 2 options; but explain the context (ie only if my son started taking drugs or drinking etc..)

Some reading material:

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.psycho ... over%3famp

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.theatl ... le/547583/

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health ... finds.html

[Godstud]

Other
What is "violent discipline"? Shouting can be seen as "violence", and actually be more psychologically damaging.

A spanking, causing nothing more than a stinging bottom(I am not talking about child abuse), is the capital punishment of child discipline. As such, it should always be used sparingly and be the last resort. There are a vast number of ways to discipline a child that do not require this level of discipline, and once you have it established, the spankings pretty much disappear completely.

I was spanked as a boy. I spanked my son. I have probably only done it less than a dozen times over 8 years, and most of the time it was after all other things had failed, or it was discipline that was required instantaneously, or after something dangerous, where you had to instill immediate acknowledgment. It's not generally a necessary punishment, but it is the "big gun" in the parental arsenal.

I know the science is against it, but it worked for me, and on me. <Shrug>

If your kid is drinking or taking drugs they are already past the age when spanking is even an option.

[Rancid]

I do don't spanking.

Wife did do it a bit when the kids were younger. I didn't like it, but... asians... what can I say.

I always try to stick in a racist comment here and there.

[Godstud]

I also think that some people who spank their kids a lot, aren't really that knowledgeable about them and how they do things. The more time spent with your kids, I think the more you understand them, and way they react in certain ways. The parent who spanks a lot, is probably not an attentive parent. That's my take on it, anyways.

[Presvias]

Bloody dagos, with their stopping children from being spanked!

As a proud dago + 'onkin jamrag uckin spunkbubble myself, I shall endeavour to break this heinous pattern among our kin; it's atrocious.. (puts on barking accent) DEAR BOY, THE BLOODY LITTLE SHITS NEED A FUL THWACKING, BLOODY JUMPED UP LITTLE UPSTARTS - DIDNT DO ME ANY HARM, OTHER THAN THE LIFELONG SHAME!

Edited out slightly extreme remarks..

[Presvias]

I also think that some people who spank their kids a lot, aren't really that knowledgeable about them and how they do things. The more time spent with your kids, I think the more you understand them, and way they react in certain ways. The parent who spanks a lot, is probably not an attentive parent. That's my take on it, anyways.

Unless they do something very, very bad that could endanger your/their security; it's probably a bad idea.

Other than that, you probably just need a good shouting latch every now and then.

My observations of good parents.

[Godstud]

I think that shouting is worse. It's mental abuse, particularly when you consider that shouting is about as valid a form of discipline as spanking. It's just the verbal version of it.

[Presvias]

I agree, but it's all a question of measure isn't it.

My earlier sarcastic post was in no way aimed at you, nor intended to be taken badly by anyone by the way.

[Godstud]

No worries. I don't tend to take things personally. I know this is a touchy subject for some people, but I know the difference between discipline and abuse.

[Presvias]

Oh no, it really was just a sarcy joke. It wasn't a way of me advancing a point of view.

It's a parody of British upper class toff types who love beating their kids and drink way too much.

These nuances get lost in online chitter chatter I guess.

[Drlee]

What Godstud said.

[Patrickov]

Define "violent". IMHO non-injuring corporal punishment (e.g. use of ruler) is NOT violent, and is in fact better than verbal abuse, as the shouted would certainly follow suit for the latter case.

However, if the offspring in concern engage in criminal activity, maybe only the justice system can do the discipline.

[MistyTiger]

Other.

I was spanked as a kid and I hated it. I grew up feeling angry a lot so I think spanking was not a good approach. Took me over 20 years to learn how to control my temper. Being angry a lot could have ruined me. What works is telling me and explaining behavior and consequences to me. I was always a sensitive person, bit of an empath and a bit curious. I can learn easily too.

I also think that another way to discipline is by removing a privilege. If a kid hits his sister, you take away his scooter for example. He needs to know that there are consequences for his actions.

I agree with @Godstud about the yelling. I got scared by yelling as a kid. It still scares me to this day. If I hear my parents yell at me, it paralyzes me. It takes a lot to recover from that and it can hurt the self esteem. I should try to explain it to them someday, not sure they understand.

The Asian mindset is very different from the American mindset. They laugh at me for feeling scared and they do not see things as I do. I have been working through my psychological issues caused by their yelling and harsh comments. Like I grew up thinking that nothing I did was ever good enough for them but they just did not offer much in the way of positive praise. If I failed in school I got called "concrete head" and I tried hard to try to do better, but felt like my efforts were not enough. I felt this pressure to push myself harder, even to a point where I was hurting myself by how hard I was trying to push. Later when I reached college and I started learning psychology, then I started to understand the emotional scars I had and then I started discussing my childhood trauma with my mother. Only then did my parents explain their behavior and slowly, they started to provide a few positive comments. No one praised them in school. In school, they were spanked until they could not sit even if they scored a 98 on a test. The teacher would scold them for not getting a 100.

If the kid is mentally strong, then spanking will not damage them much. I was not born mentally strong. I was lucky though that I was not totally weak and my mom was openminded enough to listen to my talk about trauma. She majored in psychology.

[anasawad]

Yes, gentle to moderate force with boys.

I disagree with the whole narrative that punishing your kids with force raise them to be violent.
Parents must determine the appropriate punishment when their children do wrong, that can be from a simple talk, shouting, grounding them, to, when things get serious especially with teenagers, with force.
If kids were not shown strict limits, they'll end up learning these limits in life not by their parents but by law enforcement, and having a felony or a crime on your record or going to jail isn't a joke and lasts forever.

[Pants-of-dog]

The research shows that hitting kids is bad for them and also does not work.

So, not only is it unnecessary, but also counterproductive.

[BigSteve]

My daughter was spanked sparingly as she was growing up, but she was certainly spanked. I can count on two hands how many times I did it.

I was spanked as a kid, as was my brother. The granddaddy of 'em all was when my old man pulled his belt off. It didn't happen often, but it happened (usually after a monumental fuck up). The last time I was "spanked" was when my mother put a wooden spoon across my ass. I clenched up and it broke. I was maybe 14 at the time and it didn't hurt, so I looked at her and just kinda' laughed.

Spankings are fine...

[BigSteve]

I used to be able to reduce my daughter to tears with just a stare.

I found that to be pretty damn effective...

[Patrickov]

I used to be able to reduce my daughter to tears with just a stare.

I found that to be pretty damn effective...

With a stare, seriously? Dude, you must have some of the scariest looks around! I feel for your poor girl...

[BigSteve]

With a stare, seriously? Dude, you must have some of the scariest looks around!

Just part of my charm...

I feel for your poor girl...

Nah, my daughter is grown and successful and she loves her Dad unequivocally...

[Agent Steel]

I voted no (minimum shouting), however, I don't personally have kids so I could be wrong.

My brother has kids and he's constantly shouting with his wife and his kids are also constantly screaming.

I don't imagine that if I had kids my habitat would be anything like that.