[Robert Urbanek]

A common complaint by women is that men are emotionally unavailable and don’t express their feelings. The problem would seem to be solved within the family unit. The woman marries the dull but reliable man anyway and their babies, who are uninhibited, provide the mother with the emotional feedback she wants. Or am I missing something?

[MistyTiger]

I'm not an expert on this but I have been learning bits and pieces about emotionally unavailable men and women. If you are trying to be in a relationship with this type of man or woman, it's impossible to keep the relationship alive. An emotionally unavailable man for instance is mostly uncommunicative about his needs and wants. Thereby he is forcing the woman to do the work and she puts in the effort to bring him out of his metaphorical shell. She asks him questions to discover what he wants from her or what he wants in his life. He is immature you could say. He might not have had a healthy upbringing and he does not know how to tune into his feelings and communicate those to anyone. Men should know how to be sensitive. It is okay to get touchy feely and express all sorts of emotions. The woman wants to feel like she is not the only one invested in the relationship. It really does take two to tango.

A major reason I have avoided the ball and chain is that I have not met anyone who I feel like I can really communicate with. Guys in the millennial generation are shallow and they are not good at communication. Texting fast on the phone does not count (and I cannot stand when someone texts rapidly like machine gunfire), being social media savvy does not count. I appreciate baby boomers who remember writing letters to their sweetheart or sneaking out on summer nights to look at the stars. Before the popularity of smartphones, people did more face to face meetings. They were more open. But now with online dating apps, people can hide behind the screen and it takes you awhile to learn if you are chatting up an emotionally unavailable man or woman. But I usually assume that most people my age are immature.

[Rancid]

A common complaint by women is that men are emotionally unavailable and don’t express their feelings. The problem would seem to be solved within the family unit. The woman marries the dull but reliable man anyway and their babies, who are uninhibited, provide the mother with the emotional feedback she wants. Or am I missing something?

This scenario could work I guess.

Perhaps an emotionally unavailable women, and emotionally unavailable man are perfect for each other.

Guys in the millennial generation

and how are women in the millennial generation?

Anyway, I don't understand what "emotionally available" even means? What the fuck is that?

[Local Localist]

Clearly, emotional availability was a scam invented by baby companies to sell more babies. 'Oh, you mean your man won't cry and gurgle and chew on your hair? You know what you need?'

[late]

Anyway, I don't understand what "emotionally available" even means? What the fuck is that?

It means you are in a real relationship.

I like to say that married is not something you are, it's something you do. And if you ain't doing it, the clock is ticking.

[Godstud]

"Emotionally available"? What kind of BS talk is that. It's a known fact that when men express feelings(become overly emotional) that women lose respect for these men. Women want strong men who stay logical and reasonable, and who aren't weepy simps.

This "common complaint" is not from women who want men. It's from feminists who want to emasculate men.

That said, emotional distance does not mean lack of communication.

[late]

That said, emotional distance does not mean lack of communication.

Sounds passive/aggressive to me.

[Godstud]

Passive aggressive? Why would you think that? Being overly emotional works against men. It's not masculine. When men show too much feelings or get overly emotional, it tends to work against them.

You don't need to be overly emotional to convey how you feel. You can say you are hurt without bawling like a baby.

[Pants-of-dog]

Anyway, I don't understand what "emotionally available" even means? What the fuck is that?

If I have to guess, I assume it means that one is sufficiently capable of discussing their emotions enough to not cause problems in a relationship.

[Unthinking Majority]

A common complaint by women is that men are emotionally unavailable and don’t express their feelings.

Because they are men.

Common complaint from men is that women never shut up about their feelings. Because they are women.

[Unthinking Majority]

Anyway, I don't understand what "emotionally available" even means? What the fuck is that?

You sound like an emotionally unavailable man.

[Rancid]

oh.....

[Politics_Observer]

@Godstud

"Emotionally available"? What kind of BS talk is that. It's a known fact that when men express feelings(become overly emotional) that women lose respect for these men. Women want strong men who stay logical and reasonable, and who aren't weepy simps.

This "common complaint" is not from women who want men. It's from feminists who want to emasculate men.

That said, emotional distance does not mean lack of communication.

You hit the nail on the head. Hot feminine women that are stunningly beautiful that guys compete and fight each other for don't like "emotionally available" men. As soon as a guy becomes "emotionally available," that type of woman will dump him. Beautiful feminine women that most men find attractive want men to be masculine and strong, logical, reliable and stable. These guys need to be earners and providers too. They need to make money while also being strong, logical, dependable, and stable. This also means, guys need to be willing to go to college and get a good education in the right fields to make a decent paycheck.

[Fasces]

It's entirely culturally dependent. Emotionally stunted societies like Anglosphere certainly have more women turned off by emotional men than most. The biggest extreme are those robotic Scandinavians, I imagine. Mediterranean culture has its share of chauvinism, but also a higher tolerance for emotional displays by men.

The types of emotional displays also vary - I doubt very much even the women Godstud and PO are describing want stoic, stone-faced men who never laugh or dance, even if they don't want their man to break down in hysterics at the ending of Titanic.

[Politics_Observer]

@Fasces

In my experience, no matter what culture these type women that most men find high quality and very attractive, this is exactly the kind of man they find attractive.

[Godstud]

Whoah, @Fasces! Emotionally available does not mean the person can't smile, have fun and be great to be around. Scandinavians are amongst the most emotionally available, if that's the case.

Women want to have their cake and eat it. They want a man to become vulnerable and show weakness to them, but at the same time that will cause them to lose a degree of respect for them, as this is a feminine energy.

By all means shed a tear at the right time, but don't blubber. "I've got something in my eye." - Appropriate response. Show emotion but show control over it.

Feminism is trying to SELL men on the idea of being vulnerable and showing emotions, but this is contradictory to reality. Women don't find really emotional men attractive. That's reality. Women don't want the man who simps for them. They'll leave them as soon as a stronger man comes along.

[Fasces]

@Fasces

In my experience, no matter what culture these type women that most men find high quality and very attractive, this is exactly the kind of man they find attractive.

Yes, but you just spent a day telling us how you never travel abroad or leaving the US cultural sphere (more, even, your ethnic-racial cultural sphere) because of being terrified of being scammed...

... so maybe not the best insight on the views on masculinity of those in other countries?

Women want to have their cake and eat it. They want a man to become vulnerable and show weakness to them, but at the same time that will cause them to lose a degree of respect for them, as this is a feminine energy.

Again, I think this is very culturally dependent. Korean men, "feminine" by American standards sure - but still icons of masculinity across East Asia. Italian and Spanish men cry or display emotions more readily than their Anglosphere counterparts, and again, its not seen as an attack on their machismo. The 'men don't cry thing' is very much an Anglo thing. You're Canadian aren't you - and I understand you've been exposed to Thai culture significantly.

I don't mean they're blubbering 24/7 either, so don't go too far to the other extreme.

[Godstud]

Of course, emotionalism can vary according to culture(to varying degrees), but the majority of us operate out of a Western culture knowledge base. We can at least assume that the OP is talking about that, right?

Showing over-emotionality is FEMININE, even in Thai culture, which does not vary significantly from Western culture, in this regard. Public displays of emotion, especially by men(particularly anger), are derided. That does not mean you can't dance or have fun. Those are not the emotions we are talking about, are we?

Normally, when women talk about men being "emotionally available", they aren't talking about him not dancing or laughing. They are talking about men being sensitive to THEIR feelings. This isn't about MEN.

[Fasces]

Eh, some women hate "goofy" men.

And I'll defer to your knowledge about Thai culture. Just saying its very culturally dependent. An emotional man by Anglo standards is not an emotional men by Italian standards or Korean standards.

[Godstud]

Yes, and there's a limit to every kind of behavior. Most men aren't goofy, and we're probably talking about the rule and not the exception.

You can be goofy and still be entirely masculine, when it counts.