How to deal with dating a "left-wing" capitalist when I am a left-wing socialist? - Politics Forum.org | PoFo

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#14817539
Hey all! I was wondering if anyone has ever been in a very nice and healthy relationship with someone with different values than you? I'm a socialist. I am going to veterinary school in the US to become a wildlife veterinarian, hopefully with a non-profit organization that deals with wildlife conservation and rehabilitation. I am going to be in school almost a total of 9 years by the end of it, with my median salary being between 90k-100k US $ a year when I really get into full-time work. Obviously this is really good money to me, an immigrant from Colombia that grew up poor and undocumented in the States. My boyfriend however, is a white Cuban from Miami that grew up pretty privileged. He went to business school at the same undergrad school as me and only has his Bachelor's and is already working with Procter & Gamble and making six figures soon. He's becoming a corporate monster (an inside joke between us and some friends). I love him and it makes me very upset that I'll never make as much as him trying to save the world while he works for a company that tests on animals and who's suppliers obtain palm oil that is killing orangutans and other endangered species.

How do I cope with this? I feel guilty for being with someone that supports all this (he claims to be as much of an animal lover as me, which is not true considering his job and that he still eats animals) and i feel guilty for also being a benefactor of P&G because my partner is making enough alone to support us both (something I also used to be insecure about, because despite 9 years of school, I'll never make as much as him, with just a Bachelor's). I'm not militant about my socialist stances, but obviously it bothers me to be in love with someone that is profiting from the very industry I am myself fighting against.
#14817542
I don't think it's fair for you to say that he isn't really an animal lover just because he conceives animal rights differently than you.

You have to decide if the political values that conflict between you are more or less important than the personal and emotional values you have and the things you do agree on. Then you bridge the gap.

Surely if he is making so much you guys can compromise by working with some charities that you can both agree on and focusing on your shared values.
#14817546
He works with selling products big on palm oil, directly capitalizing off the deaths of endangered orangutans and sumatran tigers. Idk, I feel as a veterinarian I have a bit of a better idea behind animal ethics. The point remains that how do I cope with this internal struggle of "everything I have/own was due to an unethical company's doing."
#14817548
mikema63 wrote:I don't think it's fair for you to say that he isn't really an animal lover just because he conceives animal rights differently than you.

You have to decide if the political values that conflict between you are more or less important than the personal and emotional values you have and the things you do agree on. Then you bridge the gap.

Surely if he is making so much you guys can compromise by working with some charities that you can both agree on and focusing on your shared values.


Also we have talked about the charity thing before. He's offered to help me run a non-profit for wildlife ourselves. I just still feel like the money is dirty money.
#14817551
This is rhetorical

Ask yourself what are his best qualities. If they reflect a generous nature towards his fellow mankind, you might be able to compromise. But if this animal thingee is a deal breaker, ask yourself if (a) is it fair to ask him to change his job, (b) and ask yourself how you'd feel if he made more money than he does now.
#14817553
There isn't anything I or he could say to change your feelings on it.

Everyone makes compromises in this life because it's not a perfect world and never will be. You have to decide if he's more important to you than your anxiety about the money.

If it helps, that money will happen one way or another whatever you decide about your relationship. Creating a wildlife non-profit would be a better use for it in the world from your point of view, seeing as no matter what you choose it wont change what Procter and gamble is doing.

Ultimately I can't tell you what to think feel or do. You likely will always have some amount of anxiety from this. You have to decide what matters more to you. It's not a choice anyone else can or should make.
#14817555
In life we make tough choices. This is one. What is more important to YOU? Ethics or love? Your relationship will not last long if it's ethics. But if it's love, love can conquer anything. And money does seem to heal wounds. But money also corrupts the soul. Only you can know what is right for you, because everyone is different. In fifty years time, knowing what you know now, can you honestly say you will be happy if nothing changes? If so, why change? In no then commit to a change. And whatever you decide, be fair to your partner. He is also in this relationship.
#14817556
Stormsmith wrote:This is rhetorical

Ask yourself what are his best qualities. If they reflect a generous nature towards his fellow mankind, you might be able to compromise. But if this animal thingee is a deal breaker, ask yourself if (a) is it fair to ask him to change his job, (b) and ask yourself how you'd feel if he made more money than he does now.


What do you mean if he makes more money than he does now? He's about to start at around 105k next year and it only goes up from there. He said he plans to keep growing in the company until he makes around 160k AT LEAST. That feels so unnecessary. I don't want myself to have to give up my own values either, and become consumed by money (growing up poor, I am too generous and I said I would use my money for good, such that if I made more than 100k, I'd donate at least 20% every year) but I also don't feel right telling him to change his. He loves botany, and has said going back to school for it isn't off the table. Maybe I can talk him into being a botanist lol. We'll both be poor saving the world (joking, because as a doctor I'd make between 90-100, but he's said he wouldn't be happy with "that little," so he would consider that poor).
#14817558
mikema63 wrote:There isn't anything I or he could say to change your feelings on it.

Everyone makes compromises in this life because it's not a perfect world and never will be. You have to decide if he's more important to you than your anxiety about the money.

If it helps, that money will happen one way or another whatever you decide about your relationship. Creating a wildlife non-profit would be a better use for it in the world from your point of view, seeing as no matter what you choose it wont change what Procter and gamble is doing.

Ultimately I can't tell you what to think feel or do. You likely will always have some amount of anxiety from this. You have to decide what matters more to you. It's not a choice anyone else can or should make.


Yes, of course. I really want to make this work, which is why I'm mostly asking for advice on how to cope with this struggle of where the money is coming from and my boyfriend being the result of a species going extinct. It really did help to read that btw, that perspective really does help. Thank you!
#14817562
True Mikema true

And most of us aren't making the optimal best moves. Maybe we need to drive a gas powered car. Maybe we're willing to take the gas fueled bus. Maybe we're willing to ride a bicycle. Most of us wear some clothes made with oil, etc. etc. etc.

Naxield

I'm prodding you to look at the money as an end in itself. How would you feel if he changed jobs now, to something more acceptable to you, but made $150,000 at the start? Also, have you spoken to any recent vet graduates about how much they owe after 9 years of University?
#14817563
Stormsmith wrote:True Mikema true

And most of us aren't making the optimal best moves. Maybe we need to drive a gas powered car. Maybe we're willing to take the gas fueled bus. Maybe we're willing to ride a bicycle. Most of us wear some clothes made with oil, etc. etc. etc.

Naxield

I'm prodding you to look at the money as an end in itself. How would you feel if he changed jobs now, to something more acceptable to you, but made $150,000 at the start? Also, have you spoken to any recent vet graduates about how much they owe after 9 years of University?


That first part is things that are very hard to avoid and in most cases, not a choice. This job is a choice. If he made 150 doing something ethical, I would not be upset because I know how charitable he is and is doing something good to obtain it.
#14817577
It sounds like you have got a pretty good deal out of the whole thing to be honest. If he was not doing the work someone would be, if he quit tomorrow do you think they would stop what they were doing once they heard? Maybe you should try living on min wage for a decade or so, it might put this whole thing in perspective. If you like him you like him, does it matter what he does at work?
#14817689
No offense OP, but you're a hypocrite. Unless you plan to throw those $100k into a pit and live like a caveman, you're part of a genocidal race and your little face-saving stunt as a wildlife veterinarian won't mean anything in the great scheme of things.

Edit: Language :)
Last edited by Rugoz on 23 Jun 2017 14:26, edited 1 time in total.
#14817694
Definitely not a socialist unless you believe in the revolution. If you believe in the revolutions you must messily kill the capitalist pig-dog, loot his hoarded fortune and disperse it to the starving animals. Anything less is collaboration with the enemy.

Image

Also you should revolt against yourself as a capitalist pig-dog on a greedy $100k a year. Is that a working class wage? NOOO! REVOLUTION!!1
#14818464
Naxield wrote:Hey all! I was wondering if anyone has ever been in a very nice and healthy relationship with someone with different values than you?

Happened all the time when I was younger, before I learned to avoid religious girls.
"I'm a socialist."

There's your problem. Socialists are even more wrong than capitalists.
He's becoming a corporate monster (an inside joke between us and some friends).

Occupational hazard.
I love him and it makes me very upset that I'll never make as much as him trying to save the world while he works for a company that tests on animals and who's suppliers obtain palm oil that is killing orangutans and other endangered species.

So if I understand you correctly, you are more concerned about the orangutans and other endangered species capitalism is killing than the millions of people it is killing...? What kind of socialism is that?
How do I cope with this? I feel guilty for being with someone that supports all this (he claims to be as much of an animal lover as me, which is not true considering his job and that he still eats animals)

We all eat animals, some of us just don't mind eating animals that are big enough to take more than one bite.
and i feel guilty for also being a benefactor of P&G

Beneficiary.
I'm not militant about my socialist stances, but obviously it bothers me to be in love with someone that is profiting from the very industry I am myself fighting against.

Pick your fights more carefully.
#14818506
Naxield wrote:that is profiting from the very industry I am myself fighting against.

Do you fight with your bare hands or do use guns, tanks, missiles etc? I've noted that while the Left say they want peace they seem to use the language of violence even to describe non violent activities. When leftie says they are fighting for something, it could just mean, something as innocuous as asking people to sign a petition or proposing a motion at their student union meeting.

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