[zhuk]

[Thunderhawk]

[mburmei1]

These are a little old but you can still probably get a laugh out of them.

This one might be a little offensive. It is clean however:

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v356/ ... 9217-1.jpg

[Oxymoron]

Why is the pig wearing a Yamulka?

[timel]

Arcis Image! Just great!

[Zyx]

[Perry Logan]

Advice for Republicans:

How to Tell Your Party Is Dead:

[Dan]

Obama's leaky plumbing

© 2008 (by whom, I dunno. Received from Lon Rombough, maybe he knows)

Barack Obama discovers a leak under his sink, so he calls Joe the Plumber to come and fix it.

Joe drives to Obama's house, which is located in a very nice neighborhood and where it's clear that all the residents make more than $250,000 per year.

Joe arrives and takes his tools into the house. Joe is led to the room that contains the leaky pipe under a sink. Joe assesses the problem and tells Obama, who is standing near the door, that it's an easy repair that will take less than 10 minutes.

Obama asks Joe how much it will cost.

Joe immediately says, "$9,500."

"$9,500?" Obama asks, stunned. "But you said it's an easy repair!"

"Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free," explains Joe. "It's always been my philosophy. As a matter of fact, I lobbied government to pass this philosophy as law, and it did pass earlier this year, so now all plumbers have to do business this way. It's known as 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act of 2008.' Surprised you haven't heard of it, senator."

In spite of that, Obama tells Joe there's no way he's paying that much for a small plumbing repair, so Joe leaves.

Obama spends the next hour flipping through the phone book looking for another plumber, but he finds that all other plumbing businesses listed have gone out of business. Not wanting to pay Joe's price, Obama does nothing.

The leak under Obama's sink goes unrepaired for the next several days.

A week later the leak is so bad that Obama has had to put a bucket under the sink. The bucket fills up quickly and has to be emptied every hour, and there's a risk that the room will flood, so Obama calls Joe and pleads with him to return.

Joe goes back to Obama's house, looks at the leaky pipe, and says "Let's see – this will cost you about $21,000."

"A few days ago you told me it would cost $9,500!" Obama quickly fires back.

Joe explains the reason for the dramatic increase. "Well, because of the 'Joe's Fair Plumbing Act,' a lot of rich people are learning how to fix their own plumbing, so there are fewer of you paying for all the free plumbing I'm doing for the people who make less than $250,000. As a result, the rate I have to charge my wealthy paying customers rises every day.

"Not only that, but for some reason the demand for plumbing work from the group of people who get it for free has skyrocketed, and there's a long waiting list of those who need repairs. This has put a lot of my fellow plumbers out of business, and they're not being replaced – nobody is going into the plumbing business because they know they won't make any money. I'm hurting now too – all thanks to greedy rich people like you who won't pay their fair share."

Obama tries to straighten out the plumber: "Of course you're hurting, Joe! Don't you get it? If all the rich people learn how to fix their own plumbing and you refuse to charge the poorer people for your services, you'll be broke, and then what will you do?"

Joe immediately replies, "Run for president, apparently."

[Abood]

This thread really fails to deliver, and that's the best example of it.

[Suska]

I think it would be funny if you swapped the name Obama for Dave, then have a neighbor named Harmattan(sp?) and Dave would be all surprised at Joe's prices and Joe would explain about having to support his sick brother and parents who have no pensions or insurance and got sick. And then Harmattan would be like, "hey Dave.." or "bonjour" and actually have nothing to say because his plumber may be muslim but he works hard and speaks french... Actually I was hoping Obama would transform into Voltron and SMAaaaaaaSH!!! And then Joe would be like *SHAZAM* and turn into a superhero and they would be like RRrraaaaahhh!!! pewpewpew!! alas... nothing happened.

[Zyx]

Dan, that is not funny, only because it's written so prosaically. It's just flatly boring.

There may have been a good punch, I can't tell, but it was boring. Really, really boring.

Presentation is important.

[QatzelOk]

"Yes, but what I do is charge a lot more to my clients who make more than $250,000 per year so I can fix the plumbing of everybody who makes less than that for free," explains Joe. "It's always been my philosophy.

If all laborers decided to do this, they could equalize everyone's standard of living without the cooperation of the elite! The Revolution is here. Now.

Dan, this is absolutely brilliant. I never would have thought you were such a creative neo-Marxist.

[Oxymoron]

Katie Couric, Charlie Gibson, Brian Williams and a tough old US Marine Sergeant were captured by terrorists in Iraq . The leader of the terrorists told them he'd grant each of them one last request before they were beheaded and dragged naked through the streets.

Katie Couric said, "Well, I'm a Southerner, so I'd like one last plate of fried chicken." The leader nodded to an underling who left and returned with the chicken. Couric ate it all and said, "Now I can die content."

Charlie Gibson said, "I'm living in " New York , so I'd like to hear the song "The Moon and Me" one last time." The terrorist's leader nodded to another terrorist who had studied the Western world and knew the music. He returned with some rag-tag musicians and played the song. Gibson was satisfied.

Brian Williams said, "I'm a reporter to the end. I want to take out my tape recorder and describe the scene here and what's about to happen. Maybe, someday, someone will hear it and know that I was on the job till the end." The leader directed an aide to hand over the tape recorder and Williams dictated his comments. He then said, "Now I can die happy."

The leader turned and said, "And now, Mr. US Marine, what is your final wish?" "Kick me in the butt," said the Marine. "What?" asked the leader, "Will you mock us in your last hour?" "No, I'm NOT kidding. I want you to kick me in the butt," insisted the Marine. So the leader shoved him into the yard and kicked him. The Marine went sprawling, but rolled to his knees, pulled a 9 mm pistol from inside his cammies and shot the leader dead. In the resulting confusion, he emptied his sidearm on six terrorists, with his knife he slashed the throat of one with an AK-47, which he took, and sprayed the rest of the terrorists - killing another 11!

In a flash, all of them were either dead or fleeing for their lives. As the Marine was untying Couric, Gibson and Williams, they asked him, "Why didn't you just shoot them all in the first place? Why did you ask him to kick you?"

"What!?!" replied the Marine, "and have you three jackasses report that I was the aggressor?"

[Abood]

Oxymoron saves the thread with his anti-journalistic satire.

[Zyx]

Decent.

[Roland]

Oxy is this thread's heroic saviour. All hail.

[mburmei1]

Enjoy it or not, I found it humorous.

[Zyx]

That's last month's, mburmei1.

This one is a bit adult: Obama Dildo.*

I wonder if it comes in a reasonable size.

*There is captioning under the image:

Ok, so a friend of mine sent this to my email and I was kinda hesitant to post it due to its NSFW nature but it’s a definite WTF. Head O State is a dildo shaped like our new president elect Barack Obama and from what I hear it’s actually projected to sell quite well…..now that’s branding! And ladies, it’s only like 34.95 and since Michelle got Obama on lock you might as well put your fantasies towards this. What’s next? A Sarah Palin Fleshlight? This is probably the WTF of the year….

Exactly.

[missy]

The author should have been very hesitant to post that

[Zyx]

I'd buy one.