Is it OK to violently discipline (your) kids? - Page 2 - Politics Forum.org | PoFo

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Is it ok to violently discipline your kids?

Yes - with great force.
1
4%
Yes - with moderate force.
8
32%
Yes - very gently.
4
16%
No - but extremely aggressive talking-to's are ok; and threats.
1
4%
No - but shouting is ok.
1
4%
No - minimal shouting
4
16%
Other (Explain)
6
24%
#15038539
Shouting seems to be a sign that you have lost control. Of your emotions. Of your reactions. Of the situation.

As a parent many times over, I have learnt that it never hurts to take a breath and remind myself that I am supposed to be the adult in the situation.
#15038862
Let's not be coy. Spanking is hitting.

My parents hit me every time I misbehaved, which achieved nothing except to turn me into a devious and inventive little liar with the morals of an alley cat.

It merely stung a bit when my mother hit me, but my dad used to really hurt.

Then , of course, he would be really sorry and feel terribly guilty, which I turned to my benefit.

It was a good time to ask for something I'd been lusting over.

They didn't hit me after I was about 12 or so, because it was considered inappropriate to hit a young lady.

Which left them not knowing what the hell to do with me .

Anyway, I never hit my children. I used to punish them by withdrawing treats and so on when they became too old for the naughty step, but I didn't have to do it often.

They seemed to know how to behave themselves much better than I ever did.
#15038877
Snapdragon wrote:My parents hit me every time I misbehaved, which achieved nothing except to turn me into a devious and inventive little liar with the morals of an alley cat.
That's why it isn't a good disciplinary method for every day use. Everyone condoning the use of a spanking recognizes that it's one of the more severe types of punishment, and shouldn't the "go-to" punishment. You'll notice that both @BigSteve and I used it sparingly at the very least.

I am sorry you were abused. :(

Snapdragon wrote:They didn't hit me after I was about 12 or so, because it was considered inappropriate to hit a young lady.
Well, thank goodness for small miracles, eh?

Good job not repeating what your parents did to you, on your kids.
#15038898
It's very difficult to hit your kids in cold blood.

I'm imagining my partner telling me calmly and rationally that he's warned me about nicking his iPad and will now hit me for repeatedly doing it.

I wouldn't say I was abused, as such. My parents should have used a more appropriate punishment.
I might even have grown up to be a good girl.
#15038900
snapdragon wrote:It's very difficult to hit your kids in cold blood.

I'm imagining my partner telling me calmly and rationally that he's warned me about nicking his iPad and will now hit me for repeatedly doing it.

I wouldn't say I was abused, as such. My parents should have used a more appropriate punishment.
I might even have grown up to be a good girl.


What kind of bad behavior did you engage in?
#15038907
Violence both physical and verbal should be avoid; however, if a parent lashes out spontaneously at a kid having a violent episode, the parent should not be made to feel guilty. Kids need to learn that they can't just behave any way they want to and that actions do have consequences.
#15039342
@Pants-of-dog

Some of the proof says kids grow up to be more successful if they get hit. It is in OP.

I don't agree that it's a good idea but what do you say to that?

Also, shouting is surely necessary when kids are being bad, don't you think?

PS: Jeez, the mere mention of spanking and females gets folks on here giddy.. <sigh>
#15039348
Presvias wrote:@Pants-of-dog

Some of the proof says kids grow up to be more successful if they get hit. It is in OP.

I don't agree that it's a good idea but what do you say to that?


Can you please quote the relevant text? Thank you.

If this is the case, it would contradict the vast majority of the research on this.

Also, shouting is surely necessary when kids are being bad, don't you think?


Shouting is necessary when, for example, a child is near something dangerous and she is far enough away from me that shouting is merited.

Usually, if a child is doing something they should not, and you have a good reason for forbidding it, you can just explain to them why they should not be doing that.

PS: Jeez, the mere mention of spanking and females gets folks on here giddy.. <sigh>


Spanking is fine when it involves consenting adults.
#15039356
1. Sure, it was this:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health ... finds.html

However, I did more digging and it's very misleading...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thejou ... 6/%3famp=1

So it seems you were right..

2. I agree in the main, but there are times when they keep doing stuff no matter how many times you tell them nicely. What do you suggest then?

3. As ans said, it's inappropriate on this thread. A bit sausagefesty, this forum..
#15039361
Presvias wrote:1. Sure, it was this:

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/health ... finds.html

However, I did more digging and it's very misleading...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.thejou ... 6/%3famp=1


That was informative. Thanks.

2. I agree in the main, but there are times when they keep doing stuff no matter how many times you tell them nicely. What do you suggest then?


Usually, when kids keep doing something after they understand why they should not, it is indicative that something else is bothering them. And so you have to talk to them and try to figure it out. Yelling does not help in this situation either.
#15039363
^ You're mostly right re talking to them but I think you have to do both sometimes; there are times when yelling is called for, but in the main it's best avoided.

You can only get through to some folks with yelling, when they refuse to listen or cooperate. <shrug>
#15039385
Presvias wrote:@Pants-of-dog

Some of the proof says kids grow up to be more successful if they get hit. It is in OP.

I don't agree that it's a good idea but what do you say to that?


Like the Kray brothers? They were successful for a long time.

Also, shouting is surely necessary when kids are being bad, don't you think?


It just sounds like BLAH BLAH BLAH YADDAH YADDAH YADDAH to them.

They shut their ears and wait until the parent/authority figure has run out of steam.

PS: Jeez, the mere mention of spanking and females gets folks on here giddy.. <sigh>


Always. They're like puppies who need to see the vet.

I didn't like being hit by my father, so I lied.

Or I cried and acted my socks off . And when that didn't work, I put up with the thumping knowing Dad would regret it almost immediately and I might even get some sweeties out of it.

I certainly never thought about behaving myself in future.

I just thought of more devious ways of not being found out.

I loved my Dad very much, but he was an idiot.

I still miss him dreadfully.

The boy who lived next door to us was very badly beaten by his father and grew up to be an absolute delinquent. It got so that a beating him did nothing, he was so used to it.

He both hated and feared his father and when he got big enough, started hitting back.

I always knew that hitting children wasn't a good way to punish bad behaviour.

Praise good behaviour and ignore bad behaviour when your kids are little and when they get older withdraw treats.

And never, ever let them off.
#15039392
I'd still say beating is sometimes called for with boys.
Like if my son assaulted a girl in school, or tried to lay his hand over his mother or sister, You can be sure I'll be going physical with him.

As said, parents should determine appropriate action on case to case basis with their children.


And before the dumb voices start going up saying that kids', and especially teenagers, wont do anything if they were raised correctly; I hate to break it to you, but you don't live in the woods alone, you live in a community and any parent that says he\she knows every little idea their kids are exposed in their daily interactions and what is in their heads is, best case scenario in my judgment, a liar.

Parents can have a very strong influence on the values their kids hold, but just as with every other thing, beliefs and values can be broken or changed with sufficient peer and social pressure.
#15039398
Britain outlawed the practice of corporal punishment in 1987, and it is illegal to spank your kids in my country, too. If a teacher does it, he will be charged with assault. Many schools in Singapore and Malaysia as well as in some African countries still use caning as a routine official punishment for misconduct.

What about at home?


A parent may face a felony child abuse charge for caning his child.
Last edited by ThirdTerm on 04 Oct 2019 22:10, edited 2 times in total.
#15039399
ThirdTerm wrote:Britain outlawed the practice of corporal punishment in 1987, and it is illegal to spank your kids in my country, too. If a teacher does it, he will be charged with assault. Many schools in Singapore and Malaysia as well as in some African countries still use caning as a routine official punishment for misconduct.


What about at home?

I missed spankings in schools by like 1-2. My brother (4 years older than me) remembers kids getting sent to the principles office for a spanking. That never happened when I was in school. I started Kinder in the late 80s.
#15039955
I had to vote other.

Pinching is better than smacking. A pinch involves physical pain but requires more control and is less aggressive than a smack. Smacking lacks restraint, particularly when one is angry.

That being said, I have never had to use physical discipline on a child. If one has built a positive relationship with the child, then it only takes the threat of withdrawing that positive attention to get them to change their behaviour. It is a bit like pottery. You have to shape them.

But this takes time and effort. It seems to me than when parents resort to smacking, it is because they are too busy and tried to deal with their children. It helps if there are more adults available for parenting than just the mother and father so that the load is spread over more adults. Of course the adults must all agree on what is good behaviour or children will play them off against each other.

Does smacking a child have a negative effect? My father was a messed up war veteran and he used to lose his temper over minor things and beat us. My step mother is also a violent nut case and beat my step bother and sister. That isn’t just smacking, but dragging the kids around and giving them a physical hiding for not doing what they were told. Did that mess us up? Well, the long term effect is that I don’t talk to my father or my step mother anymore.

So there you go. Parents need to think about the long term effect on their relationship with their children. Discipline is OK if it is part of a generally positive relationship, but will result in estrangement if the relationship is predominantly about violence.

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