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If you want to pay for some reason which has nothing to do with getting her knickers off later, then say so. Adding a simple ,no strings attached, to your offer will do it.
snapdragon wrote:Why is it insulting to tell a woman there’s no strings attached to your offer to pay for her meal?
It shows you understand that to a lot of men there would certainly be strings attached, but that you aren’t one of them.
It’s a nice thing to do.
SpecialOlympian wrote:Whoa OK I just caught up on the last couple pages of this thread and Igor you have internalized some weird fucked up 4chan shit. How difficult was it for you to not drop the term "cock carousel" because you basically said all the ideological garbage around it.
Also reminds me of one of my favorite bits from Disco Elysium, which lets you play as a fascist mysoginist.
Date Lab: He is a proud Trump supporter. She was not turned off.
McKenzie Smith, 24, client relations for a start-up, and Blake Neff, 27, cable news scriptwriter.
Some Date Labbers call for a bit more care than others when being matched. Take Blake Neff. A South Dakota native, the 27-year-old cable news writer is ambivalent about all things Washington. “I would not necessarily oppose this city’s destruction by nuclear fireball, even if I am in it at the time,” he wrote in his Date Lab profile. He dates rarely and, as an “old-fashioned” soul, is appalled by many of the sport’s modern conventions, such as dating apps and casual hook-ups.
Blake’s sense of humor is quirky (thus the D.C.-could-use-a-good-nuking joke), and he can come across as a wee bit defensive. Then there’s his ideological worldview: In this hypercharged political climate, Blake is a proud Trump voter. For some Washington gals, this would be a one-drink-and-I’m-outta-here evening ender. For others, it could serve as human catnip. To avoid having the date end in a public brawl, a matchmaker must proceed with caution.
Enter McKenzie Smith. The 24-year-old Georgia native works in client relations for a green-energy tech start-up. Big on family and faith, she identifies as a “traditional conservative” and “die-hard Southerner.” In her profile, she expressed a love of politics, history and Russian literature. She cited Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu as the contemporary politician she’d most like to get to know and Richard Nixon as the historical one. “Ambitious” and “future-oriented,” she has a fondness for intelligent “frat boy types.”
Who am I to argue with the Date Lab gods? These two were clearly a match made in heaven, or at least in the hallowed hallways of cable news. So off we sent them to Bobby Van’s steakhouse on 15th Street NW. The evening began with a slight hiccup. Blake was running late, so McKenzie went to chill out in the bar with a cocktail. When Blake arrived, one of the first statements out of his mouth was that he regards alcohol as “poison.” McKenzie’s first thought: “Yikes!”
Did I mention that Neff listed “honest” as the adjective that best describes him? He was definitely not kidding about this — which led to a few more head-slapping moments, such as his informing the very blond McKenzie that he fancies brunettes. Still, the evening settled into a mostly comfortable groove. The two swapped tales of family, college, movies, travel, politics (prompting a few tense moments, Blake reported) and, of course, why each had given Date Lab a go. McKenzie’s Virginia-based grandparents are longtime fans of the column and had been nudging her to apply. Blake knows a guy who had suffered an epic Date Lab meltdown, and the possibility of an equally searing disaster tickled his dark sense of humor.
Blake was impressed at how “genuinely well-read” McKenzie was and that she had opted not to go to grad school after deciding it didn’t make financial sense. (Washingtonians’ constant bragging about their “B.S. master’s degrees” makes him nuts.) McKenzie was indeed fascinated by Blake’s job [writing racist rants] as well as his Dartmouth education and the fact that he showed up to their date lugging a book about Catherine the Great.
Having gotten off to a late start, Blake and McKenzie wound up shutting down the restaurant. Afterward, they decided to stroll the mostly empty streets near the White House, then, when McKenzie’s heels began to pinch, planted themselves on a park bench. The night ended with a parting hug as McKenzie grabbed a Lyft home.
Weirdly, neither McKenzie nor Blake could say for certain how the evening went. Blake feared McKenzie didn’t get his sense of humor. (She laughed some, but not a ton.) He also suspected she was sending a signal with her remark that she’s not sure she’s looking for a relationship right now. His thought: “If I were Brad Pitt, you would be.”
For her part, McKenzie expressed anxiety that Blake would feel moved to “trash” her in his post-date debriefing, and she acknowledged a lack of initial sizzle: “I’m not sure on either side there was physical chemistry.” Blake is keeping his expectations low. As he told me, “Things could totally blow up going forward.”
He also suspected she was sending a signal with her remark that she’s not sure she’s looking for a relationship right now. His thought: “If I were Brad Pitt, you would be.”
Drlee wrote:Because it is tantamount to saying, "I know most women feel they have to fuck for a pizza but you don't."
And I do not grant your premise. I do not believe that there are many men who believe that their date owes them sex for food. Maybe there could be some. Boorishness is far from rare. But there are not many.
Perhaps there are more men who believe that after a few dates, sex is expected. Maybe that gives rise to the notion that their paying for dates is paying for sex. I will even go so far as to say that there are some men who consider the dating scene a game of conquest. Immature ones but there are some out there.
Maybe I want to give women a word of caution. The first thing to find out about your date is the content of his character. But, women, if you are dating him solely because he has a flash car and Taylor Swift meet-and-greet tickets, it is not his character that is the problem. It is yours.
snapdragon wrote:There are loads of men who expect that very thing. And what’s more they can turn very nasty when they’re turned down. Shows how much you know.You're generalizing as much as the misogynist who calls all women "bitches". I know of only one guy who would ever do that, and everyone he knows thinks he's an asshole.
snapdragon wrote:Oh for god‘s sake. You’re unbelievable. You know what you can do with your patronising word of caution.It's no more than you men are the "every man expects sex if he buys" Bullshit. If you can generalize then so can we.
Potemkin wrote:I bet you sported a porn 'tache back in the 70s
snapdragon wrote:And Godstud, I doubt if you’ve dated as many men as I have. I also have three adult daughters and women friends and we’ve shared our experiences.No, I haven't dated any men, but I have an adult daughter who wouldn't agree with you and I know of no friends who think like that.
snapdragon wrote:Men who offer to pay for the meal often expect it to reap the reward of sex afterwards. That’s a fact.Then again, I can talk to three men who say women are only interested in what's in men's wallets, so it must be fact, right?
snapdragon wrote:But dr lee took it further. He advises men to insist on paying, even if the woman demurs - and that is domineering behaviour and not advice that ought to be acted on.No, what Drlee is talking about is a traditional thing that gentlemen do. It's about as domineering as opening a car door for a woman, or pulling a chair out for her to sit on.
snapdragon wrote:He might have the best intentions. How is she supposed to know?By his behavior.
snapdragon wrote:If it’s important to a man that he pays for the evening , then it’s a good idea to make it plain to his date that there no strings. She will feel more comfortable and will feel able to relax and enjoy herself.That would come off as completely creepy to most women. "Don't worry, if I buy dinner I don't expect sex." Do you honestly think that would come across any other way?
snapdragon wrote:Otherwise, split the bloody bill and have done with it. This is the 21st century, not the 19th.Yes, and many women still expect the man to take them out, not go on a Dutch date.
Personally, I would make it clear that their are no strings attached when paying for the meal and not make a big deal out of it. It is customary for guys to do so but is not required. If she still insists on splitting the bill, then I will accept and split the bill.
I wouldn't let such an issue ruin an opportunity to get to know the woman better. I have no interest in sleeping with a woman I don't know no matter how stunningly beautiful she is. She could be crazy or have STDs for all I know.
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