Verv wrote:So, I am pro-life. Let the hate pour in. 1 like react = 1 hate .
I think treating a fertilized embryo like a human life is good, but regular medical malpractice laws should apply... Doctor's errors that are not due to negligence while handling an embryo are not murder. They are the results of a complicated situation. I think the courts will also see it that way, and would only consider serious charges for someone who is willfully negligent while handling embryos.
I generally do not believe in IVF, and it has nothing to do with pro-life: my grandfather was adopted, and two of my cousins were adopted. As was one of my best buds... Adoption is absolutely beautiful and a necessary thing in society, and I think the world would be a better place if couples experiencing fertility issues viewed it as a sign from God or fate that they should also adopt and that this fulfills their parental call and never look at it for a moment as inferior to having biological kids...
This is very romantic, and I have the luxury of saying this as someone who has a biological child... But it is an important issue.
So, [i]what if Alabama bans IVF?
I bet you there is someone out there who is pro-choice but would also ban IVF because they are super-egalitarians who think there is something fishy about spending loads of money to cook up *just the right* bio-baby because wife/husband can't conceive properly and they need it to reflect *their genes, or nothing.*
Food for thought.
This is an interesting topic for me. Because I got married at age 18 and I went to college and kept working and we tried for years to have kids. Nothing happened. Finally, I was 40 years old. People told me, go and get some kind of assessment from a doctor, go and get IVF treatments, go and do this or that. It could be your diabetes or it could be your diet, or your this or that.
I never even went for infertility treatments. First off they are expensive and my husband and I were living on a tight budget. Second, I never cared if a kid of mine was adopted or my own biological child.
Then the journey for becoming a parent started. It was very difficult. We tried to adopt internationally and for some reason it always went wrong. Nothing would work out. Then we tried to adopt kids with disabilities like blindness or something. For some reason it never would work out. Finally a social worker from Jefferson County, Colorado, sat down with us and was very honest. She said that most infants were adopted by their temporary foster families if they were healthy infants. Or adopted by well off couples who they tried to match with the child's background. I was curious about that. I asked what does that mean? She did not beat around the bush, she said, white families prefer to adopt white babies. Or as white as can be obtained. Infants in general were always highly sought after.
She told us that the kids that most needed homes were the ones who no one really wanted to adopt. We asked who are those? I thought maybe they would be kids with learning disabilities, physical challenges, or that they had serious medical issues. No, she said the kids that were the most likely to never be adopted Verv were black boys. Males. Over the age of 8. Especially the ones who were oppositional and argumentative, angry and far behind academically, angry and who had ODD. I did not know what ODD was at the time. She said Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
She said Hispanic couples tended to want to adopt baby girls who were either Hispanic or white or Asian. Again, she said no one wanted Black male children over the age of eight. They remained in the system, until they aged out. The statistic stated that they would most probably never would finish high school and never go to the university or finish there. About 3% chance of ever doing well academically and a high probability of jail or being shot in the street. That is the stats for the USA for foster children who are black males that have been in and out of foster homes (6 different times or above).
We had never been parents before. She held nothing back. Told us that our son was a kid no one liked. Because he was angry and oppositional. Behind in school. Totally unlikable.
Basically he had a bio mother who tried to raise him but she was violent, hated my son the most because he was the only child she had who was 100% black and his father was a domestic violence man who killed people and was in jail for life. Never getting out. She did not like that child because she had internatlized the racism and would blame him for the color of his skin in comparison to his siblings.
It was scary for us to consider adopting him Verv. What the hell did we know about raising older children who other couples or people had turned away due to being very hard to raise and cope with?
Adoption is serious and very much a hard thing to take on when a child is already damaged by a callous government system, and lacked early stability.
One might think there are enough adoptive parents out there for all the kids who need homes. You would be wrong. Many adults both single and married, same sex or opposite sex couples nowadays do not want the trouble. Kids are a huge responsibility. They are a big expense, and they are a big commitment.
Many people barely can bear raising their own flesh and blood. They do not think about raising some other person's child and especially a kid that the society at large does not want to cope with.
I thought to myself---why are black boys rejected in the USA so strongly? I did my research.
I thought about my idea of being a mother Verv. Did I want to be a mom for the joy of having a little tiny infant, and caring for that baby, and having a special bond? Because the truth is that if you want to be a parent you better in it for the long haul. For the ability to be of service to the
child that is in need of your assistance and your care.If it is about your ego as a parent? It is not for you.
I met my son with my husband. We spent time with him initially. Our conclusion was he was a highly unlikable kid. Very hard to like. I smile when I think about it now. He did everything in his power to make sure he hated the idea of coping with poor people like us with no prestige. Lol. Hee hee.
Now he is 26 years old Verv. All grown up. He rarely asks us for advice. But when he does he talks for a long time. I am so proud of that kid. I am crying right now as I type this out. He DID IT. He got over all the shit that the world threw at him when he was young and angry. He at least finished high school with decent grades. Despite having to send him out of state and out of Colorado and far from us in his senior year of high school. It was a crazy racist incident that had nothing to do with him Verv. I do not want to waste time talking about it.
But he muddled through the issues. Finished high school. Went to college. Graduated from college on the Dean's List. He speaks fluent Spanish and English. He opened his own business named after me. He is doing well, rented an apartment in Downtown Denver, bought his own truck for work, and his own economy personal vehicle. He pays his own bills. Never asks for money.
He is very independent. And proud in his way. He is well-traveled and very focused. He is not enraged like he was as a child.
I always finish all my phone conversations with him like this--Well if things get tough or bad or you can't cope with anything anymore on your own? You come home son. You come home and stay with us. We are your family like we promised you when you were a kid....this is your home. Remember that.
He never likes to say much after that. But this last time he said Gracias Mamá.
All that work. It paid off.